Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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