I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
