so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
