Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
