how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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