Me. At least after what I've been through.
if only i could text you this smell
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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