he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
