i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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