Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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