i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
