even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
