bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
