I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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