i barfeds in our rink
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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