i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
