Fuck appropriateness.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
