Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
3 2 1 whiskey
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
