By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize