dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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