I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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