Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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