I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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