you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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