I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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