Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
