Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
