Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
