allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I licked your asshole in confidence.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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