I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
