I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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