so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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