I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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