This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm really busy with my period
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