the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
