The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
