She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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