i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
