I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just gift wrapped bread.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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