I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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