Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
