So drunk its hurt
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
