Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
