my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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