i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize