We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The air was thick with penises
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
