I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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