oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
