That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
