I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
