Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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