this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
