I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Randomize
