i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
