I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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