And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Less talking, more tequila
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
