somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
