my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
