Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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