Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
