i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
