I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
