I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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