Whod you bang
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
