So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You were trust falling into bushes
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
