i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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