I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
