I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
