He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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