they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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