I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
